So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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