So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
