I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
