This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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