your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
