Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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