dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
