we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
