it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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