If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
