I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
