in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
