Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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