Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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