Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
