she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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