i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
