she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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