The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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