Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
