we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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