If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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