I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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