Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
