69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
