Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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