Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
