Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
