I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
