I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
