alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
