I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
