HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
