so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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