I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
