the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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