All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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