We're facebook friends in real life
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
