I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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