I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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