My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What drink are we having for lunch?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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