I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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