i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
