I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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