false alarm. still invincible.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
