I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
