So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
