Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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