I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
