so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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