he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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