I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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